Oh say, can you see? Here we are, celebrating yet another Independence Day. Which leads me to ponder – what really is independence? In the case of the country we all know what it means, freedom from the Brits of course (no offense to the English, I love you guys). Yet the ties are as strong as ever. In the context of a 40something single woman, what is independence really?

We grow up, mostly, have raised our children, established careers, own our own homes and our mantra is “We don’t need to stinkin’ men!” All the while, we have this inexplicable yearning to belong. So we join book clubs, church communities, PTA’s and the like to fill the void by our “man-less” existence. So are we really independent then? If we are then we should be self-sustaining communities on our own without the need for outside validation. I have found this to be impossible. Yes, I value my freedom, whatever that may be. But somewhere, the void in me does echo and it gets loud on occasion.

I’ve never been a joiner. I don’t belong to any nomination (although I was raised Roman-Catholic), never been a member of a PTA for any of my children, never been in a book club (does the mail order kind count?), never gotten involved in politics or volunteerism. This is not to say that I don’t care – I care deeply about a number of issues. I am simply reluctant to follow this whole group think mentality for the good of man kind. Look where it’s gotten us? There is strife all over the globe and as a country we are deep in the thick of it. But I digress again.

So we form lose alliances with like minded folks to establish a sense of belonging to something. Message boards, chat rooms – ah, the virtual community; such a vast resource of opposing minds, terabytes of information (and misinformation) at our fingertips. Take this blog for example. I have no idea if anyone will ever read this, or even care about a word I have to say. Yet, it does give me a sense of belonging and sharing, while letting me retain my autonomy and aforementioned independence. Do I really care what others think of my random ramblings? I’m not sure. I suppose somewhere I do or else what would be the point? We all want to make a mark on the world in some meaningful way. If I did not care, I could simply whip out trusted pen and paper and submit my musings to an old-fashioned diary and hide it away in my sock drawer.

My personal and professional accomplishments serve to validate my existence, yet I still look for outside input and ‘atta girl’s. This in a way retains my independence but also lets me belong. Funny how that works. What is your idea of independence?