I wonder if this is a Freudian trick to make myself believe that I am really not 42, that I am still a young "chick" and that I am just fooling myself along the way. If I start displaying photos of them as they really are - I would have to face up to the fact that my youth is no longer there. Not that 42 is old - it's just not 22 or even 30. Ha!
I look at pictures that various family members email me of other family members and the first thing out of my mouth invariably is, "Wow! He/she looks so old!" As if I truly expected them to look the same as they did 20 years ago. It's weird. In my memories everyone is young and hip and so on, they (as well as myself) never age - ever. But being faced with the reality that people age and die - well, it's just ugly and I am not ready to go there.
I look at pictures of myself over the years and to me it seems like I never really get any older. Or perhaps I'm just really, really delusional. My closet is still full of clothes I wore 10 years ago and most don't fit me any more. I keep thinking I will shrink back and voila - I will wear them again. Bohemian hippie fashion is coming back into style, so I'm good there.
I have a tough time reconciling with what I see with what is. Surely, this is not a new phenomenon?
Me at 18
Me at 32
Me at 42
Just remember that as a mom, you will always see your boys as your babies. It doesn't matter how old they are, and it doesn't matter which pictures you've chosen to display. Twenty years from now, you'll see them the same way.
I too have always thought of myself as being younger than what reality dictates. Perhaps I share your delusion! And perhaps that's why I didn't handle this last birthday so well.
It probably started when I looked in the mirror one morning and didn't see myself. I saw my dad staring back at me.
It was... frightening.