I've been reading quite a bit on forgiveness, negative energy and anger in general. Not that I'm a particularly angry person - but we all carry around old grievances that just don't seem to want to go away. I know I'm guilty of bearing a few grudges and even the death (and sometimes wished for death) of the offender doesn't seem to alleviate the old angry feelings.

A passage I read the other day caused me to stop and think though:

"If you keep thinking "That man has abused me." holding it as a much-cherished grievance, your anger will never be allayed. If you can put down that fury-inducing thought, your anger will lessen. Fury will never end fury, it will just ricochet on and on. Only putting it down will end such an abysmal state. -- Sunnata Vagga"

Which is very poignant. When my mother told me that my step-father was killed in a car crash of sorts I expected to feel relief. I felt nothing of the sort. The old anger toward him had festered for so long in my soul that it was firmly entrenched in memories I was not willing to let go. Perhaps it allowed me to remain behind the safety of my 10 foot wall, fortified with every transgression anyone had ever taken against me.

Letting go of old hurts is very difficult. We carry them around with us as badges of honor - we've been through the wringer and wear our battle scars proudly. What we forget is that the longer we hold on to these old wounds, the more they will fester until they destroy us, our relationships, our capacity for compassion, forgiveness and love.

I for one am ready to let them heal and start dismantling.