A few months ago, in one of my moments, I set out to find my best friend from junior high. For some reason, it seemed really important to me. Perhaps because as troubled as my teens were she was for the longest time my only friend. Our relationship was only made tighter by the fact that my mother didn't want me hanging out with her. We got into some doozies, but mostly it was just typical teenage girl stuff. You know, discovering sexuality and boys, running away (even if it was only a few hours), hanging out and clubs - you get the picture. We were for years inseparable. For some crazy reason I had been thinking about her quite a bit lately and well, I wanted to find her. Reconnect, see if we were still as we always had been.

I did find her eventually and the initial joy of speakig with her over the phone gave way to some confusion. She didn't seem too interested in talking with me at all. Just a few days ago I ran across a message board posting by her by chance. I mean, what are the odds that among millions of message board postings you run across the one from your junior high best friend? Astronomical I'd say. So I sent her an email and attached a few photos of me all grown up and my family from my Germany visit.

It didn't take long for her to respond. Only, the response was not what I expected. I'm not going to repeat it verbatim but the essense of it was, "don't email or call me, not interested in restarting our friendship." No signature, no have a nice life, no anything of that sort. Short, cold and dismissive. I was in shock. Truly.

What had I said or done to have her brush me off like this? I can't think of a thing other than the fact we hadn't seen each other in over 20 years. But hey, people reconnect after 40 years with old friends, so what is different in this situation? I don't get it. Been thinking about it ever since too. I am going to respect her wishes although it doesn't feel as though she gave much thought to my feelings at all. No point in pursuing someone that does not want to be pursued, right? The same goes for male-female relationships, but I digress again.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that our lives have turned out so differently. She is perfectly happy being a housewife and going to church everyday, all she needs is God in her life. (her words, not mine). Me? I've always been sort of a globetrotter, always looking to the horizon for bigger and better adventures to go after. I am never satisfied with where I've gone until I've achieved just a bit more. Overachiever maybe? I dunno. But I like myself just the way I am. Sort of a worldly femme fatale. Ha!

Maybe I reminded her of what she could've been. Maybe she really isn't as happy as she says she is. I'm just speculating (obviously) since I cannot for the life of me think of any good reason for the rude brush off. I suppose I will have to just make do with the memories of those days in junior high and quit chasing something that simply no longer exists.