In getting older I, as so many of us over 40, have noticed my expanding waist and tummy. Since I loathe exercising for a number of reasons, the least of which is of course sheer laziness, I've sort of learned to tolerate the extra weight. I say tolerate because I honestly don't like it, just put up with it until I can figure out a way to get rid of it. Kind of like letting down a lover easy because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Yes I know, I have a strange relationship with my body fat. Whatever.

For whatever reason I switched on German television yesterday, the movie sounded interesting so I tuned in. I'm not going to rehash the whole plot but will say this: German women seem to have a much healthier body image as well as relationship with their curves. The main character of this movie was a single mother about my age and with a few extra pounds as well. She wasn't particularily beautiful in any sense, not like US standards where all actresses are made up to the hilt. She was pretty and homely and a little pudgy. She didn't seem to care much and throughout the entire movie I got to see her buck naked a few times as she was having sex with her new man or even just running around the house naked. I was a little stunned. Oh and the ladies daughter came home in the middle of this giggling and jiggling and the mom didn't even cover up! Wow. She actually put on an apron over the nakedness, barely covering anything of course, and proceeded to fix lunch for the daughter. Yikes, is all I could think.

I mean my American moral compass tells me that this is an 8 pm movie and for God's sakes the kids are still up! I was also slightly in awe that society here views the human body not as something to be ashamed of but to revere no matter what its size. Probably explains the thousands of folks naked on European beaches. Nobody cares.

So why do I have such a warped view of my not size zero body? Why is it so damned important to me to be thin again like I was at 23? Why do we as women constantly buy into this thin is beautiful crap and torture ourselves with endless diets and hours of gym visits? Yeah, yeah, eating healthy is important and the 30 mins of exercise a day I get in easily with all the walking and biking I'm doing here. I'm referring to the whole beat-yourself-senseless personal loathing were we become damn near suicidal because we are voluptuous and not Keira Knightly.

Well, I have vowed to throw out all my size 7 pants and suits and shirts that I've been hoarding for 10 years hoping to eventually fit into them again. I think I'll reward myself with a trip to the mall this weekend and celebrate my newfound freedom!