As of today I am officially an MBA. I should feel elated to be rid of the debilitating workloads every week - yet, I am not. What I am feeling is a sense of loss and I'm even a bit depressed. Can someone tell me why? This makes no sense at all. I pushed myself for six years first through the undergrad and then the master's program, while simultaneously raising two boys alone and holding down a full-time job. I gave up dating, hobbies and a social life for excellent grades. I learned how to hammer out 15 page papers over the course of a weekend but evidently have forgotten how to live! As it stands, I now have all this 'extra' time and no clue what to do with it.

Yes, I am trolling the net for french cooking and art classes but it's more of a symbolic gesture. Symbolic because it's on my list of to do things once I graduate. In my heart, I really don't feel like doing any of them right now. My house is much cleaner since I am constantly fidgeting with something as well. Maybe this will eventually go away but as of right now - I am seriously down with the post-grad blues.

I've been applying and discussing various jobs in Germany but nothing concrete has manifested itself just yet. So I plug away at it while being completely bored out of my brain at my current job. I'm not sure how much longer I can take the daily tedium but I'm hanging in there. I suppose part of my discord stems from the fact that I just don't feel challenged; no one seems to care what I am capable of doing and the upper echelons are perfectly happy keeping me pigeonholed in this go-nowhere role. It's maddening! Hey, I've had folks tell me that they wish they made the money I make and sit idle most of the time. 'It's not about the money people', I tell them, because truly that is a small part of job satisfaction. I need to be pushed, challenged, thrown some deadlines - ANYTHING! Just don't make me sit in my office and churn out meaningless reports. AAARGHH!!

Seriously though, it eats at my confidence. I mean, here I am, a full MBA, yet my in my boss' opinion it's 'way more than we need' and 'all those fancy classes'. Why the hell did he even hire me? I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm still here....with nothing to do now but cry in my beer and try to get my bearings. I wish I could've gone through this in my 20's - that whole 'what should I do with my life now?' thing. Alas, here I am: 43, a new grad and no clue what to do with it.