I've spent the entire long weekend doing absolutely nothing. Not that there aren't any projects to do around here, I just didn't do them. I suppose my son's ability to turn a blind eye to the dust bunnies in his room has rubbed off on me. I see them, but I don't. A strange optical illusion going on there. Ha!

On my way to the movie theater yesterday, here I go again, on the way to somewhere and always thinking whilst doing so (...interesting!)...I digress. Start over, on my way, it struck me that I am a mere three months away from being released from the torture that is graduate school. No more papers, research, analysis, hours and hours spent reading and writing. What ever will I do with myself on graduation? I can't even get the energy up to get motivated on my long weekends off!

My son already has me pegged as the lonely and crazy old cat lady when he finally moves on to college. How frightening is that? What happened to the hippest mom on the block? Ouch!

In my mind I always have to-do lists on things I want to see or do or accomplish when I finally have my life back. Yet, when I have the time to do them, I'm like Scrooge... Buh Humbug! It seems like nothing really entices me or gets my juices flowing these days. Quite frightening. Well, maybe if I could write a column and just gripe all day, that would be cool. Ha!

I seem to have lost that sense of wonder and excitement somewhere along the line. I'm not entirely certain if this is due to me growing up and seeing the world in a grown-up sort of way, or if I have just become old and boring. Ha! I've traveled and moved around so much in my younger years, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot that just really beckons me. Perhaps if I had a partner in crime this would be different. As it is, I am constantly swamped with responsibilities and the whole seriousness of living and life. Quite frankly, I am sick of it at times. My inner rebel wants to say "To hell with it all!" and just do something really stupid and immature - like paper someone's house or run down the street buck-naked. Well, maybe not naked. Scratch that one.

The point is, I am really struggling here! What is it I am supposed to be doing with my free time? I am constantly reading about all these fine people out there that partake in all sorts of activities and never seem to be home. I on the other hand, always seem to be home and when I am going somewhere - I can't wait to get back. With all the craziness in the world it seems to be the only place where I have a safe bastion. Then again, maybe playing it safe is what keeps me stuck in this mode... I am open to suggestions to dredge up my inner child and go hog wild.

Anyone?