I've spent the past month doing nothing but weighing pro's and con's on this whole Germany issue. One month later I am no wiser nor am I any closer to making a decision.

On one hand, I think I really do want to move back. Then I asked myself, what exactly are the reasons that I want to do this? Obviously, it would be a noble thought if I did it to be closer to my mother and family. To be honest, I don't really think my mother has anything to do with it. As a matter of fact, I'd be subjected to endless late-night phonecalls and other situations I am spared now. So what is the draw? I've come to the partial conclusion that I am simply in denial. Yup. That's it. I've spent the past 22+ years here, building a life, raising children, cursing ex-husband's - well, you get the picture. During these 22-odd years life in Germany went on without a lot of change. People got older, the country is still beautiful (and yes, I do miss the country) but overall, all is as it was. Time went by and I never really thought about the fact that indeed I am getting older, growing up and so on and so forth. Perhaps by moving back there I can force some change (I am such a rebel). Perhaps not. Who knows?

Then, I have endless other reasons why it would be cool for my son to spend his high school years in Germany (or any other European country come to think of it). What a unique expierence for him to have. Never mind that he doesn't speak a lick of German (he can learn, right?) and is as American a teen as can be. He may initially feel a sense of adventure but everyday hohum has a way of creeping in - no matter where on planet earth you are. Do I have the right to be selfish and make him move anyway? Or am I even being selfish? That one I still haven't figured out.

How does the saying go...no matter where you go, there you are.