..or I should say, the non-existant value of my MBA in the context of my respective employer. I requested a meeting with my boss yesterday, mainly to go over some things and also to get his pulse on where I fit in within the company. I brought a lot of experience to the table when he hired me (which is probably WHY he hired me in the first place) but since have become pigeonholed into a role that I am not comfortable, or happy, with. I told him that I am capabable of so much more and that in essence my previous position was a mix of what dadd's girl is doing on top of what I'm doing. He replied, "Well, I know you've been taking all kinds of fancy courses but I don't think we need them anywhere." I just looked at him a bit stunned.

I mean, with one sentence he pretty much cut me down to size, devalued my pursuit of an MBA to a meaningless venture and made it clear that there is no room for advancement at all.

I took the job because I needed it at the time, but I was also led to believe that he would retire soon and I would be next in line. It appears to be just a bunch of snow at this point to get me in the door. I also took a fairly big paycut at the time. It will take me two more years to recapture my previous salary. I digress....

I felt truly, well, depressed for a minute or two. Then I was pissed. Now I am just resolute in finding another job. And just to really get him going, I think I may even go after my doctorate next year. I like the sound of Dr. Gina.

I've neglected my blog somewhat the past week or so. There is a perfectly good reason for that and while I feel a bit reluctant to put it out there - I'm going to do it anyway. That's how brave I am! Ha!

I've had an ex resurface after many years. Again. He's like a boomerang that just will not quit coming back. This is the same one that sort of left his wife for me (without informing her), that ended up leaving me for some other woman, eventually bounced back to me...well, you get the picture. I've been done with it for a long time. Years. I've moved on.

Every once in a while he will surface again and want to reminisce or whatever the purpose may be, I'm not sure. I made the mistake to email him a few times, I should've never done that. What was I thinking!!

In the meantime, I've noticed that he's found my blog (darn siggy's) and has repeatedly come back to read. Well, I suppose I am out there in the blogosphere exposed and any Tom, Dick or Jane can read what I have to say. I just never thought one of the masses would be him. In a weird sort of way I felt violated.

I tried to ignore it, but every time I sat down to write I found that I would censor myself, my words, my thoughts. Always thinking... "what if he thinks this is about him?" As in one of my previous posts about the love of my life. And no, it had nothing to do with him. He read it like 51 times though. Almost obsessive methinks.

However, today I thought, dammit, this is my blog! Why am I giving him power that I took back years ago? This is truly counterproductive and a little retarded. So here I am... Maybe he will stay gone after he reads this....

I've been missing a few days, mainly because I am virtually drowning in boxes. I've taken advantage of some great Labor Day sales and replaced my oven, the cooktop and my coffee tables, plus added a sofa table.

None of this stuff comes pre-assembled (well, except for the appliances) and is stuffed into oversized cardboard boxes. It took me 5 minutes to get the sofa table out of the box and almost over an hour to figure out the instructions to put the thing together. All Chinese to me. It's done but I think I missed a few screws - looks a little uneven. Ha! The perils of not having a handyman around. sigh.

Trying to break down this cardboard box mess has left me with a stack almost 3 feet high! I realize this stuff is supposed to be recycable but the city won't actually come and get it unless I cut it into neat little 3x3 squares. Ugh. I don't even have a box cutter.

Hence, I've abused various kitchen knives in an attempt to get the desired 3x3 size; it's not working real well. Turns out it is a great stress reliever though to just jump on them and crush them. I think I hurt my ankle on one of my jumps - those appliance boxes are pretty strong.

Anyway.... those darn boxes remind me of myself a little. Various folks in my past have attempted to fit me into neat little boxes according to their specifications. Now, I get pretty rebellious when forced to fit and I am pretty tough to break down. Hence I think the frustrated "fitter" often tried to jump on me and just make it fit. Never worked. I was put out to the curb a couple of times due to my reluctance to conform and a few times I put myself out. You just cannot make someone fit.

The older I get the more I revel in my individuality and my skin gets a little thicker each year as well. Maybe I should try to be a bit more pliable but I just can't seem to find it within myself to bend too much. I am content living outside of the box, thank you very much.

As for this buggers all over my floor, they will get put out to the curb no matter what size they are.

While the title may be a little shocking or misleading, let me explain before I get flamed by the feminist left (or right) for objectifying myself.

I obtained my very own, very first credit card at 23 or thereabouts. At the time I was a wild one and fiscal responsibility was low on my list of priorities. I didn't give it a second thought to run the card up and never pay back a dime. In essence, I had no clue what credit was all about. That revelation didn't hit me until I tried to buy a car a few years later - you guessed it, on credit. Since I had so gleefully trashed mine, I ended up paying something like 19% on the car loan, maybe it was even higher than that. I paid almost twice for my car what it was worth. Again, in my stupidity it never occured to me that not paying my bills years before was the problem.

Fast forward to 2004. I am now just about to graduate with a BS in business, have worked in the finance world long enough to know what credit is all about and am mature enough (methinks) to understand, "Dang, I better do something about this!" Hence, I resolutely go at cleaning up my credit as though my life depended on it. And in some ways it really does.

When you have bad credit you most likely need it the most but can't get it; when you have good credit you most likely don't need it but can get it easily. It is a paradox, but the way of the credit world.

It has taken me another almost two years to reach a point where bad stuff is gone from my credit report, good stuff has been added and I am able to enter the world of lower interest rates. I'm not quite superprime elite just yet, but getting there. In my giddiness at watching my scores rise on a monthly basis I went on an application spree - and added a ton of new credit cards to my portofolio. I was never allowed into the elite circle of the Big Five. You know - the circle where only those that are worthy are allowed to enter? American Express, Citibank, Chase, MBNA and Discover. The Illuminati of the credit world, quietly controlling everying without anyone's knowledge. They pull the strings in the finance world and you better believe you want to be part of that elite or else be left behind. I digress....

My application spree was successful but it has produced an unexpected side effect. I have become a credit whore. I am addicted to the high of "CONGRATULATIONS! You have been approved for the super snazzy razzle dazzle elite XYZ card with a limit of XXX dollars!" I cannot get enough of those words and go out of my way to get them. Mind you, I don't really need the cards per se but let me refer you back to paragraph four above.

How did I pull this off? I joined a group of credit gurus online. A hodgepodge of former credit terrorists who have banded together to demystify the world of credit card companies, assist each other through the ups and downs of ridding themselves of the addiction of overzealous and irresponsible spending (and consequently trashing their credit or that of their spouse) and dispensing wise anecdotes so that us stupid young'uns may learn and prosper. I owe this group a world of gratitude in that respect although now I must learn to nurture the beast of high finance and not fall flat on my face again. But, I say it again proudly - I am a credit whore; there is not a feeling better in the world than to whip out my American Express card to pay for dinner. Well, maybe great sex but I digress again....

I've spent the entire long weekend doing absolutely nothing. Not that there aren't any projects to do around here, I just didn't do them. I suppose my son's ability to turn a blind eye to the dust bunnies in his room has rubbed off on me. I see them, but I don't. A strange optical illusion going on there. Ha!

On my way to the movie theater yesterday, here I go again, on the way to somewhere and always thinking whilst doing so (...interesting!)...I digress. Start over, on my way, it struck me that I am a mere three months away from being released from the torture that is graduate school. No more papers, research, analysis, hours and hours spent reading and writing. What ever will I do with myself on graduation? I can't even get the energy up to get motivated on my long weekends off!

My son already has me pegged as the lonely and crazy old cat lady when he finally moves on to college. How frightening is that? What happened to the hippest mom on the block? Ouch!

In my mind I always have to-do lists on things I want to see or do or accomplish when I finally have my life back. Yet, when I have the time to do them, I'm like Scrooge... Buh Humbug! It seems like nothing really entices me or gets my juices flowing these days. Quite frightening. Well, maybe if I could write a column and just gripe all day, that would be cool. Ha!

I seem to have lost that sense of wonder and excitement somewhere along the line. I'm not entirely certain if this is due to me growing up and seeing the world in a grown-up sort of way, or if I have just become old and boring. Ha! I've traveled and moved around so much in my younger years, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot that just really beckons me. Perhaps if I had a partner in crime this would be different. As it is, I am constantly swamped with responsibilities and the whole seriousness of living and life. Quite frankly, I am sick of it at times. My inner rebel wants to say "To hell with it all!" and just do something really stupid and immature - like paper someone's house or run down the street buck-naked. Well, maybe not naked. Scratch that one.

The point is, I am really struggling here! What is it I am supposed to be doing with my free time? I am constantly reading about all these fine people out there that partake in all sorts of activities and never seem to be home. I on the other hand, always seem to be home and when I am going somewhere - I can't wait to get back. With all the craziness in the world it seems to be the only place where I have a safe bastion. Then again, maybe playing it safe is what keeps me stuck in this mode... I am open to suggestions to dredge up my inner child and go hog wild.

Anyone?